


Home

by Skeleton_Keyes



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Comfort, Eventual Smut, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Gay, Happy Ending, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Smut, mlm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-07
Updated: 2020-01-01
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:00:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21709387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skeleton_Keyes/pseuds/Skeleton_Keyes
Summary: Steve has been struggling a lot lately. His nightmares have come back. Bucky is stressed out of his mind and he thinks the two of them could use a little get away.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	1. Chapter 1: Night terrors

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter is a bit short but the others should be longer

Crickets chirped, cicadas hummed, leaves gently danced in the wind. The distant sound of traffic could be heard in this cozy suburb of New York City. A comfortable little house sat silent and dark. Inside, Bucky Barnes was fast asleep, sprawled out on his bed, his blankets half on the floor. He snored loudly, a line of drool falling from his gaping mouth. 

Suddenly, he was awoken by a loud thump and a yell from across the hallway. He bolted upright, his eyes open and alert. As soon as he heard it he knew what was happening. Steve. Was all he could think as he threw off his covers and rushed to his friend’s bedroom. 

When he entered the room a dark figure lay on the floor in a ball, shaking. He heard the gentle sobs of his long time friend fill the silence. 

“Hey buddy..” he whispered quietly. He carefully walked over to his bedside table and flipped on the lamp. His eyes landed on a familiar sight. Steve’s blankets were on the floor next to him, his pillows seemingly on the other side of the bed. His sheets were soaked with sweat and a mug lay on the floor next to him. He crouched down next to him and laid a hand on his trembling back. 

“Steve..?” His friend flinched, uncovering his head a little to look up at him. 

“B-Buck..?” he asked, seemingly lost. It was apparent that every time he came out of one of these episodes it took him a moment to figure out where he was. But as soon as he heard Bucky’s voice, he always knew he was home.

“Yeah buddy, it’s me. Everything is okay.” he began rubbing his back in small circles. “Do you think you can sit up for me?” he made sure to keep his tone gentle and soft.

“Mhm..” Steve slightly shifted underneath him. He weakly pushed himself up and sat with his back against his bed. His blonde hair was matted to his forehead, his eyes had dark bags under them. His shirt was soaked through with sweat, his body wracked with shivers. He breathed heavily, his gaze fixed to the floor. 

Bucky sat down next to him, putting his arm around his shoulders and pulling him into his chest. “You’re okay now Stevey..you’re home..it’s okay.” he whispered, rubbing his arm as he spoke.

“This hasn’t happened in so long..but I just..she..” Steve trailed off, closing his eyes. Most of the time he dreamt of Peggy and the last conversation they had before he went into the ice.

“It’s okay..You’re still getting better. You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.” he rested his chin on the top of Steve’s head, squeezing him.

“It was the same thing that happens most of the time..only..” Steve opened his eyes as if it just popped into his head. “Only..it wasn’t Peggy this time.” 

“Who was it?”

“You.”


	2. Chapter 2: Quite the Surprise

Neither of them had spoken of what Steve said. Bucky had simply helped him back to bed, turned off the lights and shuffled back to his bedroom in silence. What was he supposed to say? How is anyone supposed to respond to that?

He had replaced the love of his life in his nightmares, what did that mean??

He laid in bed, his eyes wide open. His face turned towards the window, bathing his skin in the moonlight. He watched the trees outside sway in the wind, his mind racing. He heard the calming noises of the night, but the noise of his mind overcame them.

The next morning, Bucky got up, groaning, clutching his back. He threw on a shirt and trudged to the door. Once in the hallway, he was met with the smell of bacon and the sweet voice of Ella Fitzgerald bouncing off the walls. 

He made his way to the kitchen, cautious. When he peered around the corner he saw the familiar blonde standing at the stove, apron dawned. He swayed his hips to the music, his head bobbing along with it.

“Steve?” Bucky questioned, he figured Steve would be in bed after last night. Episodes like that usually took him out for a few days at least.

“Hey hey! Morning Buck!” Steve grinned at him over his shoulder, his hair was neat, not a strand out of place. His face was clean shaven, his clothes were clean and unwrinkled. 

“Good morning?” Bucky sat down at the table, his eyes fixed on his friend. 

“You want some breakfast? I’m making your favorite!” he asked cheerfully.

“Steve you don’t..why are you doing this?” he asked softly.

“What do you mean? I love making you food.” Steve shrugged, flipping a piece of bacon over in the pan. 

“Are you feeling okay? I mean last night, you..” Bucky waved his hands in the air, struggling to find words to express his confusion without upsetting him. He was happy to see Steve doing so well but he was genuinely concerned about him, this never happened. 

Steve waved his hand. “Ah pssh, that was nothing. I’m fine I promise.” he flipped off the stove and reached for a plate in the cupboard next to him. He set it down on the counter and began loading it up with piles of bacon, and in the middle a stack of waffles. “Breakfast is served!” He announced, turning to lay it in front of him.

“Thanks. You’re sure your okay?” Bucky asked, looking up at him with a frown.

“Relax, Buck. I’ve been through worse, I’m fine.” he laid a gentle hand on his shoulder and gave him a slight smile.

Bucky shrugged and dug into his breakfast. Steve never lied, why would he start now. He just had to trust him.

Bucky left for work shortly after that, and assumed that Steve would do the same.

After work he pulled up to the their small home and turned off his car. He glanced towards the driveway and noticed that Steve’s car was in the driveway. He felt a pang of worry in his chest but shook it off. He probably just got home early today.

He strode up the driveway to the side door, pulling out his keys. He paused, lowering them for a moment and moving his hand to the door knob. He turned it slightly, assuming it was locked, only to find it open. 

He entered carefully, making sure to stay alert. He slipped his keys into his coat pocket and quietly stepped towards Steves room. Everything appeared to be in order, the kitchen was clean, the living room neat. As he got closer to the bedroom a stench wafted towards him. He gagged and covered his mouth, the smell of vomit. 

He saw a light peeking through the slightly cracked door and pouring out into the hallway. He pushed the door open and it’s old hinges creaked. 

He quickly scanned the whole room for danger before his eyes settled on Steve, passed out on the floor, surrounded by empty beer bottles. His small trash can filled with vomit. He sighed, relaxing now that he knew that there wasn’t an intruder. 

He bent down and lifted his friend up and placed him on the bed. He set about picking up all the cans and bottles that were strewn about and cleaned out the trash can. When he was done he put his hands on his hips and stared at Steve for a long time, not quite sure what to do. There was vomit crusted on his shirt and face. He scrunched up his nose, shaking his head. “Alright..I guess I should get you out of those clothes and into a bath.” 

He scooped him up into his arms and angled him so that he wouldn’t hit his head on the doorframe on the way out of the bedroom. 

Steve let out a low groan, his eyes barely opening. He looked up at Bucky who was still in his work clothes, his shirt sleeves rolled up, his hair pulled back into a bun. “Where..” Steve croaked out, but before he could get any further he started coughing. 

“Hey, it’s okay. I’ve got you. I’m gonna start a bath for you, okay?” Buck looked down at him with a warm smile. Steve looked away, guilt and shame eating away at him. Why did he lie? Why did he think he had to lie? Why did he think he could have gotten away with it?

Bucky looked up so that he could fit himself and steve into the doorway of the bathroom. He set him down on the closed toilet and made sure he wasn’t going to fall over. “How are you feeling?” he asked, turning his away from him and bending over to turn on the faucet.

“Like I got hit by a plane.” Steve mumbled, pressing the heel of his hand to his forehead.

Bucky laughed. “You look like it to.” he stuck out a finger and let the water pour over it. Once he was satisfied with the temperature he shook the water off his hand and plugged up the drain. “Now, are you going to tell me why you lied to me this morning?” he turned to face him, his arms crossed over his chest.

Steve clasped his hands in his lap like a child being scolded. “I don’t know..I guess I just didn’t want you to start worrying again. I know how hard it was on you before I went and got help. I just didn’t want you to have to suffer, and honestly I thought I would be fine.” he shrugged a little, keeping his gaze fixed to the ground.

Bucky crouched down in front of him, putting a finger under his chin and tilting it up so he could look into his eyes. “You know I’ll always worry about you, kid. You don’t have to lie to me, ever.” he smiled at him, a slight sadness in the look he gave.

Steve nodded, tearing his eyes away from him. “Yeah..I’m sorry Buck.” 

“It’s okay, now let’s get you into this tub, huh? We can talk more tonight. I think I have an idea of what might help us both.” he stood up and offered his hand for Steve to pull himself up. 

“A bath sounds good.” Steve took his hand and pulled himself up towards him, feeling quite a bit better.


	3. Chapter 3:Come Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky has a great idea that will help his friend Steve get out of his relapse. What's something that he's always loved? Camping! A get away should be great for the both of them..right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you guys think about this story so far! If there's anything you'd like so see from me or you want to happen leave it in the comments! Any feedback is appreciated!

Gravel crunched underneath the tires of Bucky’s red pick up truck. Steve leaned his head against the cold window, his eyes pressed shut. The winding path led up to a nice clearing where a campsite had already been prepared. A charred fire pit sat alone, surrounded by stone. A withered tree stood proudly near the back of the site, most likely a good place to pitch their tent under. Bucky spotted a scratched and rusted picnic table near the fire pit and frowned, skeptical if it would even be able to hold up a plate without collapsing. They might not have been able to afford the best place, but it was still a get away. 

The car slowly rolled to a stop, Bucky turned off the ignition and turned to face his friend. Steve didn’t move, not even to open his eyes. He attempted to shake off the knot forming in his stomach and put on a chipper smile.

“You ready for camping, buddy?” he patted his shoulder a few times.

“Oh yeah, I guess so.” Steve yawned, stirring slightly and opening his eyes. He lazily removed his seatbelt and weakly pulled on the door handle. The car door swung open and Steve slid out and trudged towards the picnic table. Bucky followed after him, his expression deflating as his fear overcame him.

“Wanna help me set up the tent? I know you always like that.” he asked hopefully, forcing a slight smile.

Steve paused, glancing over his shoulder. “Yeah..actually I’d really like that.” he straightened his posture, taking a breath and composing himself. He took a few meak steps, but before long he was walking as confidently as ever.

Bucky perked up at this, his smile growing. “Good! Let’s do it!” 

Together, they set up their tent, Bucky keeping a cautious eye on him the entire time. Steve slowly seemed to improve in mood as the tent was erected. When they were done they both took a step back to admire their work. Steve glanced over at him with a smile, a genuine smile too. He could feel his heart start to swell and he quickly looked away.

“So, what should we do now? Start the fire probably, right? I mean you know more about camping than me.” he chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Mhm! I’m gonna look around here for some tinder, will you get some small twigs and stuff to start it with and then we can use the wood we bought.” 

“Sounds like a plan to me.” he flashed a sheepish smile before turning towards the various trees near their site and heading over to hunt down some twigs.

-

He returned with a bounty of various twigs and sticks, unsure of what exactly he would need. It had been quite awhile since he needed to start a fire, and even then, the army provided them with the tools necessary to do it.

“Hey, are these okay?” he asked, bending down to drop his pile by the pit where Steve was crouched down, messing with some dry leaves he had found lying around. 

“That’s perfect Buck! Nice Job!” he grinned up at him, that usual Steve Rogers Sincerity in his eyes.

He felt his cheeks flush, he let out an awkward laugh. “Hah, thanks.” he shrugged. “I suppose I should probably go get our beds set up. Then we can have dinner, sound good?” 

“Sounds spectacular, buddy.” Steve’s gaze was soft, and somewhat loving.

He got away as quickly as he could, his heart nearly beating out of his chest. He shook away the thoughts clouding his head and opened the door to the bed of his truck. He pulled out the first air mattress, and reached for the second one behind it, but it was nowhere to be found. He frowned, shifting things around to try and uncover. No luck.

“Hey Steve?” he called over his shoulder as he continued unloading the truck hoping to find it underneath something.

  
“What’s up?” the blonde stood up, turning to face him. Below him, a small fire had taken form, flickering it’s first lights of the evening.

“Did you remember to grab the other air mattress from the upstairs closet?” he paused, pivoting to look at his friend.

“Well no, I thought you got it.” Steve cocked his head to the side, much like a confused puppy.

“I was afraid you were going to say that.” Bucky sighed, rubbing a hand down his face. “We only have one bed..I guess I can sleep on the floor with a sleeping bag. It’s not like I haven’t slept on the ground before.”

“There’s no need for that Buck.” Steve made his way over to him, a kind look in his eyes. “You can sleep with me..Actually I kinda like it that way. Your presence is comforting.” He looked away from him, a light pink dusting his cheeks.

“Oh.” Bucky blinked, his mind becoming even hazier than before. “Well then I um- I’ll just sleep on this one with you, it’s not a big deal.” he tried giving him his most reassuring smile.

He pulled out the bed and all their bedtime supplies and got to work setting up their tent. He began to hum to himself, proud of himself for thinking of this camping trip, since Steve already seemed to be doing better. When he finished, he ducked out of the tent and went to sit beside Steve who was listening to his old radio by the fire.

“Wow, you really did good on this.” he nodded, quite impressed. 

Steve smiled bashfully, scratching the back of his head. “It’s really not much.” he shrugged.

“Well I think it’s amazing. Should we start making food?” Bucky stood up and stretched his arms above his head, his shirt riding up and exposing the lower portion of his stomach.

Steve snapped his eyes away, not wanting to be caught staring. He jumped out of his chair and strode towards the picnic table where their large cooler sat, making sure his back stayed towards his friend. “Yeah! Sounds good to me!”

He made quick work of unloading all the ingredients they needed for cooking their hotdogs over their fire. He laid out the plates and napkins, took out the buns and the cheese and any other condiments they might need. Without looking he reached for a plate and felt something warm, he looked over and found that his hand was on top of Bucky’s. “Oh sorry-” he said quickly, his hand flinched backwards, his face now regaining all the heat that he had previously tried to banish. 

“It’s okay, here you can have this one.” Bucky handed him the plate with a smile that was as radiant as the morning sun, or at least it was in Steve’s eyes.

“Thank you.” he took it and quickly grabbed what he needed so he could return to the fire.

Together they cooked their hotdogs, retold stories from the old days, and laughed the night away. Eventually Steve got sleepy and made his way to bed, Bucky not to far after him. He made sure to put all the food away before he slipped into the tent and laid down beside his friend.

As he fell asleep, he felt Steve shift closer to him, the backs of their hands barely touched. But Bucky didn’t move, he quite liked it in fact. He held his breath as he carefully moved his hand to intertwine their fingers. He felt Steve give his hand a slight squeeze, but didn’t stir much further than that. 

The two fell into a peaceful sleep, the lullaby of the cicadas and crickets and the night wind lulling them to rest.

-

Awoken by the soft sound of something rustling outside, Bucky’s eyes slowly blinked open. He was met with an empty bed beside him. It took him a minute to collect his thoughts, as he had slightly forgotten where he was. He sat up, reaching back to rub his neck and shoulders. Then, it hit him.

Steve.

He froze, realization settling inside his chest. He scrambled towards the door of the tent and haphazardly unzipped it. He made quick work of doing his best to scan the surrounding area, his eyes squinting against the dark night air.

Nothing.

He felt the panic rising up through his stomach. “Breath, Buck, breath.” he whispered to himself. “Okay..What now? You know how to find people.” he nodded, looking around to see if he could find something that might help. His eyes landed on the path that led to the small cliff that overlooked their campsite. 

“Ahah!” he clapped his hands together and hastily made his way up to the path. “Steve!” he called out, his heart beating like a drum. 

He figured that if he got some higher ground he might be able to see him, or at least Steve would have a better chance of hearing him. He worried that Steve had started sleep walking again and got lost. He feared recently, that since his nightmares had come back, and worse than before, that his old symptoms might come back.

As he approached the ledge of the cliff, he saw a dark figure surrounded by some small looking objects. He slowed down, quieting his breathing as best as he could. He hunched over, staying low out of instinct.

Once he got close enough for the moonlight to illuminate the figure, he saw that it was Steve, sitting at the edge, surrounded by empty beer cans.

“Oh my god- Steve!” Bucky relaxed, jogging up to him. He bent down and laid a hand on his shoulder, shaking him a little.

“Oh..Hey Buck. Sorry if I woke you up.” he muttered flatly. His eyes didn’t move from their fixed position on the ground below him. 

He crouched down next to his friend and cupped his face in his hands, turning it so he could look into his eyes. “Steve, listen- you gotta  **listen** to me..Look at me, Steve, look at me.”

Lazily, Steve’s eyes wandered over to make contact with Bucky’s. His gaze was hazy and fogged over. “Hmm?” he leaned his face into his hand.

“You’re okay Stevey, it was just a dream, it’s okay.” Bucky said clearly, trying to keep his voice steady.

“Not this time Buck..This was all me.” Steve shifted his stare down to the ground once more. 

“What do you mean? Why’d you come up here?” he could feel his heart beat in his throat.

“Well..to jump.” he shrugged softly, pulling his face away from him. “I figured this would be a good last memory for the both of us.” he slumped even further into himself. “Plus, I knew you’d be better off without me..”

“Steve Rogers.” Bucky straightened himself, his eyes burning. He got onto his knees and grabbed his shoulder. “Steve! Fucking look at me!” he yelled, his voice taught.

Steve snapped his attention towards him, this tone of voice unfamiliar coming from his friend.

“What the fuck made you think I could ever live without you? I don’t-” his breath caught in his throat and his anger quickly dissipated and was replaced by heartbreak. He took Steve’s hands in his own shaky grip. “Steve..You’re my everything..You always have been.” he shook his head, a tear falling from his face and onto their clasped hands. 

“Buck what are you-”

“No! Stop talking, and fucking listen to me for once in your damn life.” he gave him a stern look, his eyes fierce. “Steve, I fucking love you, I love you with my whole entire heart and I couldn’t bear losing you. Not ever. I’ve lost you before and I can’t lose you again. Come back to me Steve..Come back.” his body was overcome by his heartache and he was wracked with sobs. His head fell, his hair covering his face.

Steve’s eyes were wide with shock, he blinked once, trying to take in what he just said. “I..Buck..” he shook his head, his thoughts becoming clear. He pulled away from his grip and moved to wrap his arms around his crying friend instead. “I love you too, so fucking much. And I didn’t..I thought.” he stopped himself. “It doesn’t matter now. You’re not going to lose me. I’m sorry for doing this to you. All of this. I know you’ve tried so hard to be here for me, you’re honestly my savior. But I haven’t been trying as much as you, I gave up. But I’m not going to give up anymore. Because I want to live. For you, for me, for Sam, for Tony, for everyone.” he squeezed him, tears welling up in his eyes.

“Good Steve, I’m really glad..Do you think you might start seeing your therapist again?” he sniffled, turning his face to bury it in the crook of Steve’s neck.

“Yes, I think that would help a lot. You’re doing all you can, but I need professional help.” he sighed, rubbing the back of Bucky’s head softly. “It’s going to be good for the both of us. I’m gonna go back to work soon too.” he pressed a kiss into his hair and shut his eyes. “Everything is going to be okay, I promise.”

“Hey Steve?” Bucky tilted his head upwards to look at him.

“Yeah?”

“May I please kiss you?” he asked, his voice timid.

“I was hoping you’d say that.” Steve grinned, closing the gap between them and softly pressing his lips to Bucky’s.

**Author's Note:**

> Idk how many chapters this is going to be lmao


End file.
